- Pop icon calls U.K. fans 'mental midgets' -

London, England. July 12, 1999 - Reacting to a false report of his death, an emotional Dusty Carr lambasted his U.K. fans as "mental midgets."

Carr canceled a scheduled appearance on the BBC 1 music program 'YesterTunes', to hold an impromptu press conference at a local nightclub.

The Herald Guardian reported on July 10, that Carr, along with 1960s U.K. pop diva Lulu, had driven a rented Rolls Royce Silver Cloud at high speed into the Thames river.

"They got half the story right," said Carr. "Yes, I did total the car, but that's only because I got in this huge fight with Lulu about how stupid her name is, and she started stabbing me with a nail file. So it's her fault, not mine."

Lulu has been unavailable for comment. Friends report she is under heavy sedation and in seclusion.

Nigel Wynn-Thorpe, an investigative reporter with the Herald Guardian, said that police divers arrived on the scene within one hour of the accident. They discovered three life-like mannequins in the rear seat of the car. "At that point we knew that Carr had been driving," said Wynn-Thorpe. "When I saw the bodies, at a distance of about eighty yards, I naturally assumed they were the occupants, deceased. I regret my error."

When questioned why he had been carrying three mannequins, Carr became agitated and shouted, "We needed them! They're part of a terrible game that involves freon gas and a lot of milk."

Carr described swimming from the Rolls, hailing a cab, and sending Lulu to her house. "I was sick of her by that time anyway," said Carr. "I never even liked 'To Sir With Love', and she has an awful, shrill laugh. I needed a drink something bad, so I hit a pub and got loaded."

Reports of Carr's death caused a group of about one hundred mourners to gather the following day in front of the Thick Pin nightclub, one of Carr's favorite London haunts. Fans of all ages conducted a mock funeral, complete with a horse-drawn hearse.

On learning of the reports of his death, Carr called the Herald Guardian, describing his mourners as ""mental midgets."

"After all I've been through," said Carr, "do you think I'm going to bite it in a sunken car with some broad named Lulu? This ain't Chapaquidick. Come on fellas, give me some credit."

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