Reviewed by: Dusty Carr
Review Date: May 31, 2001
Director: Baz Luhrmann - as if you give a rat's ass.
Producers: Who cares.
Genre: Musical Drama - I think.

The four best reasons to see 'Moulin Rouge' belong to Nicole Kidman. I should add that her voice is pretty good too. But with her curves she could sing like Keith Richards gargling Drano and you'd still applaud.

This movie is set in Paris, 1900. Nicole Kidman plays Satine, who sings and dances at a club called Moulin Rouge - which reminds me a lot of Studio 54 but without the 'leathermen'. Anyway, Satine wants to be known as a great actress (or is it 'actor' now, in our genderless, eunuch-like, ultra-liberal society?). Satine calls herself 'a courtesan', which is another way of saying 'prostitute without a heroin addiction'.

So one night, Christian (played by Ewan McGregor), an impoverished writer, shows up at the club. Satine mistakes Christian for a rich Duke and prepares to do the wild thing with him. But Christian really digs this broad, they hit it off and keep singing love songs to each other. You see, he appreciates her for what she is, not what she looks like - which, of course, is total crap and never happens in the real world - and thank god for that - it would just take too much time.

The weird thing is this: even though this story takes place one hundred years ago, everyone keeps singing hit songs by the Beatles and Elton John and David Bowie and Sting (yes, that 'Sting'. I mean, if there's one guy I'd like to feed into a high-speed garbage compactor it's Sting - but again I digress).

What's even weirder is that it all works. I thought this movie would stink more than a decomposing skunk in swamp water. But it's fantastic. It's like watching a really good opera after a few hits of mescaline. I mean, Elton John's songs start to sound 'profound' - and he usually has the intellectual depth of an inbred hillbilly sniffing gas fumes.

Last month I was in Los Angeles doing a gig, opening for Florence Henderson. While in town I went to the Moulin Rouge press conference at the Ambassador Hotel, and managed to interview Nicole Kidman. Much of what she said to me was inappropriate, but to be fair, I had a hard time concentrating, and at one point, actually began to hallucinate. Anyway, this is a bit of the conversation.

Dusty: So Nicole, I understand Tom Cruise is something like five foot four. I mean, that's pretty well a goddam midget. Did his diminutive stature influence your breakup?

Nicole: (no response).

Dusty: What I mean to say is… tell me about the character of Satine?

Nicole: Satine doesn't want to be a can-can dancer her entire life; her dream is to become an actress. She quite hardened though, and skilled at projecting different facades… But when Christian weaves his magic on her through song, he makes her believe that she could have been something else.

Dusty: Nicole, do you know what time this hotel serves lunch, because I've been surviving on salted peanuts and pretzels for about a week?

Nicole: (no response).

Dusty: Whatever, but I do feel kind of light-headed. See, my hands are trembling and that never happens this early in the day... No please, don't leave. Sit down again. I have another question… I wrote it down somewhere… Here it is... Did you enjoy working on this film or was it just another thing that big movie stars do to appear 'creative' and 'multi-talented'?

Nicole: The great thing about working on this film is that people are saying 'Let's try something different'. And we've connected wholeheartedly to it - that's what has made this project so fulfilling.

Dusty: I've never done anything 'fulfilling' in my goddam stinking life! Hey, do you find the idea of dating a mature man - my age for instance - somewhat intriguing? I only ask because I assume you're lonely and… No please, sit back down. Where are you going? Nicole baby, I have another question!… Hey pal, get your hands off of me! Who the hell are you guys?

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© 2001 IMC Communications

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